just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
