he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize