i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
