Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
