Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize