What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
