Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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