Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
