Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
