you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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