what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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