I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize