i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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