im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
