Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
