You're so nebulous sometimes
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
