You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
