I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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