he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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