Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
