The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
