so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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