we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
