I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
