Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
