Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
