Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
