I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
