Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't turn off my feet"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
A+ Viking dick
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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