She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
