Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
never play flip cup with pint glasses
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize