that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
