she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
