how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
