seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
