I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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