dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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