the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
