Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
