Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
