I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize