everyone is single if you try hard enough
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
