Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
