i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
