i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
