Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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