Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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