im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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