you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
