i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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