i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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