Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
