We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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