it hurts more in the daytime
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
