she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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