Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
