She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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