How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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