I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
