If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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