you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
