I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
