Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
