She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
3pm strippers are depressing
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
