Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
