That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
