I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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