i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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