So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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