You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
