What a fucking waste of an outfit
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
