I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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