i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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