So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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