He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
