wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
