Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
