Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm getting married
To pizza
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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