i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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