Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
