Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
