I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
