Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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