i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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