My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I need to stop coming to work sober
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
