that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote āColleenās Dickāwith a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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