now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize