i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
