What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
