I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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