she woke up with a sticky ear
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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