Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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