when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
